As much as I miss my family during this time of social distancing in 2020, I have never been as emotionally torn in between the times that I do see them as I have been now -especially when it comes to my black male brothers and father. As recently as Thursday when one of my brothers paid me a visit, even though we were both wearing masks, the fact that he took public transportation and forgot to text me when he made it back home had me in a 24-hour state of panic that only prayer could start to somewhat soothe. What if he had been stopped or killed by a racist on his journey or what if someone on the train had sneezed on him on either legs of his trip. Moreover, what if my building had a case of Covid-19 and I had unwittingly compromised his health by giving in to my emotions and letting him come over? Sounds like a lot right; but, unfortunately, all of these thoughts and circumstances are only a tip of the proverbial iceberg that is my current bio-psycho-social plight at present.
When I say that this country and this world needs a miracle for us all to make it in the future, I mean it from the bottom my soul. I pray for that change from the bottom of my soul since there are only so many videos and stories of killing or death that a heart can take before it breaks. With so much racism, xenophobia, anti-semitism, classism and every other ism on blatant display in the headlines these days, I know and feel that my heart had broken a long time ago before this weekend; so, I’ve been using prayer and writing to help manage some of my feelings. Moreover, what causes me to pray is not an irrational or spiritualized habit that I got from Christian culture; but, it is with good sense, several Ivy League degrees and the Holy Ghost that I have observed and mourned years of senseless evil that I have had to work and live through. Along the spectrum of overt and obvious acts of hatred like being physically shoved or called derogatory names right on through to the smallest microaggressions that were denied to gas-light me and others to accept disrespect, I have decided that I would forgive others to keep on keeping on. Instead of lashing out, I would participate in grassroots community organizing efforts and lay any problems on my altar of prayer to God in the hopes that the Holy Spirit would in turn move and mobilize people in their own local communities.
Ultimately, and to be completely honest, most communities who are not praying and working to fix their own local problems are either complicit in the evil or too decimated and demolished by oppression to act beyond mere survival instincts or outright submission to the forces that benefit from hate and division. We need something like neighborhood versions of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa instituted here in America to move forward since -to put it simply, and truth be told, whites in authority probably need to tell other whites to stop killing and being hateful while communities of color need serious attention paid to healing from their societal traumas and/or internalized racism. I know this since the first time I was called a derogatory word, it was actually a latinx person (and not some KKK Grand Dragon) who had done it after undoubtedly internalizing the racist and anti-immigrant ethos (from KKK Grand Dragons) in this country that is arguably more hostile to immigrants and latinx people now than it was then. We need a miracle in the sense of a mass-conversion away from hate and sin internally that can’t be legislated. -And if you think this is just a fluke personal encounter, also remember that Trayvon Martin’s killer had a mother from Peru plus an Afro-Peruvian maternal grandmother on top of identifying as “Hispanic” on voter-registration forms! Indeed, what we need is inner-conversion away from hate or violence and towards peace combined with local efforts to curb discrimination and inequality when we see it on the day to day level. Until we have all those things and a vaccine for COVID-19, we really need to pray with our hands and feet every day. And so I pray:
A 2020 Prayer
For more prayer (because heaven knows we need it), join me and my prayer partners on the Higherlink Equation Prayer Line 8:00 PM (EST) Sundays using this link:
https://zoom.us/j/7514608857
Meeting ID: 751 460 8857
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